Another Day Of World Domination

[drplokta]

I have decided to take swisstone's sage advice and leave the position of Minion i/c Fandom vacant. Apologies to marykaykare, who can have an alternative portfolio if she would like.
andrewducker has added the portfolio of Minion i/c Getting To Bed At A Reasonable Time, as long as he doesn't do it in conjunction with my Minion i/c Staying In Bed All Day.
d_floorlandmine is Minion i/c Dancing Topless.
dakiwiboid is Minion i/c Flightless Birds.
filkerdave is Minion i/c Frequent Flyers (and should probably liaise with the Minion i/c In-Flight Service).
feorag is Minion i/c Pollution Control & Keeping the Streets Clean.

Effective immediately, everyone is paid hourly. If your employment contract doesn't specify your working hours, you work a 37½ hour week. Work in excess of your normal working hours may be paid at a higher hourly rate than your normal rate, but may not be paid at a lower rate. Falsifying your timesheet in either direction is a serious criminal offence. Employers must post the working hours claimed by their staff for public inspection, and workers are encouraged to shop their colleagues who are working more hours than they are claiming. Employers may not refuse to pay for hours worked even if it was in contravention of a direct order, but it may be treated as gross misconduct so you can sack them after you've paid them.

I think that the US actually has legislation to this effect for some classes of workers, but it's sadly unknown in the UK.

I'm prepared to make an exception for anyone who owns at least 5% of the equity of their employer.

Comments

Huzzah!

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

I shall now make certain that you will have no problems whatsoever from ostriches, emus, cassowaries, those flightless nocturnal parrots whose names I cannot recall, or, of course, my kin the kiwi.

If you like, I can arrange for a bodyguard from among the more aggressive ratites (such as ostriches and emus), to ensure that you have no problems whatsoever from humans! To celebrate my elevation to minionhood, here's a poem I wrote about my large kinfolk:

Feelin' Ratite

I feel struthious just now.
I don't want to hide my head
And refuse to face the facts
Or any of those cliches.
I want to run in the wind
With heavy wings flapping
And big, taloned feet stomping.
I want to bat thick eyelashes
And crane my long neck at you,
Tempting you to get so close
That I can take a big nip
Out of your pretentiousness.
I want to kick somebody
So hard they'll really stay kicked.
If I decide to lay eggs,
They'll be huge, porcelain things
Worthy to be turned to art.
I want to raise such a squawk
That everyone who hears me
Will whisper to their children,
"Honey, look at that big bird!".

Kiwi Carlisle

Wish for wings that work

[steveandabigail.livejournal.com]

My puny kiwi wings weren't big enough for Delores. Oh no, oh no... she had to have AN ALBATROSS. With great big huge LONG WINGS. He was on hormones. You heard me, read my beak: HORMONES (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0103272/quotes)

Re: Wish for wings that work

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

Poor sad bird. I have never had that problem.